Noelia (noelia_g) wrote,
Noelia
noelia_g

Fic: Uther's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Title: Uther's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
fandom: Merlin (BBC)
spoilers: there is that show, and there are the characters.
wordcount: 454
characters: Uther, Morgana, Gwen, Merlin
summary: why all magic is evil, in seven acts.
warnings: CRACK. I can't stress this enough.
Written for 2nd day of multifandom_pl 6th ficathon. Polish version here


i.

When he woke up, everything seemed bigger than it should have been. Attempts to summon a servant ended in a series of pathetic meows. Attempt to get out of the bed... you know how they say that cats always land on their feet?

They're lying.

ii.

Two people will die. The person, whoever they were, who turned him into a cat and didn't even have the common decency to make sure it was an adult cat, and the person who placed Gaius' rooms on top of all these stairs. They will die, he'll make sure of that.

Or at least he will scratch their eyes out.

iii.

Someone picked him up (grasping the folds of skin on his back, another one in line to die painfully after a stint of starving in the dungeons), and placed in a laundry basket, and Uther was so pleased with finally moving upstairs that he hadn't paid attention whom it was, and didn't have time to hightail it out of there while he still could.

"I found him downstairs, my lady, meowing pitifully," Gwen said. All of Uther's protests came out as more of the meowing, much to Morgana's delight.

The eternity wasn't time enough for him to wreck chaos and bring death as his revenge.

iv.

Morgana put a bow on him.

Ungrateful girl, he cared for her for years, made sure she lacked nothing, as if she were his own, and that is what he gets in return?

At least the bow is blue, it could have been pink, he supposes.

v.

The idiot, Arthur's manservant, rushes into the chamber without knocking, at the end of wretched three hours during which Uther had been slowly tortured to death by being poked with a ball of string. He had finally started to attack the ball back, in utter despair, resulting in Morgana's great delight. He should have abandoned her on someone's doorstep when she was a child.

"Have you seen..." the idiot of a manservant starts, stops, swallows his own words almost choking on them, trips over his own feet while standing still, and then starts to back away. "Nevermind."

Uther would pause and think about that strange behaviour but, after all, it's the mentally challenged boy, nothing to worry about, and young Guinevere had brought fish from the kitchens.

vi.

The spell's reversal is sudden and quick, and it would probably make him happier if he wasn't currently sprawled across Morgana's lap, whiskers covered in milk, and a blue bow around his neck, and nothing else.

vii.

And people ask why he hates magic.
Tags: crack, fanfic, merlin, noelia needs help
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