Mom: Go buy me more champagne.
Mom: Mooooreeee chaaaaaampagne.
Me: I am not helping you get stinking drunk.
Mom: I gave birth to you! It was painful! Go buy me chaaaaaampagne!
Me: Anaesthetics don't work 22 years later.
Mom: I'll give you money.
Me: I have money. Not helping you get drunk.
Mom: If you go buy me chaaaaaampagne, I'll give you... 200 more pounds for when you go to Scotland.
Me: Want some strawberries with that?
Mom: *trying to call the dog (whose name is, btw, Beckett)* Bre... Bet... Beret!
Me: His name is Beckett.
Mom: 100 pounds says I can call him Beretta.
Me: Oh, look, pretty Beretta.
Mom: Why are Heroes in jail?
Me: That's Prison Break, mom.
Mom: Oh! Why am I not watching this? They are preeeetty.
SERIOUSLY. Mom FTW.